I really do suffer from anxiety. I smoke and feel like crap all the time. I wish I could beat this soooo bad. I am tired of feeling like crap 24/7. If its not my throat then I feel sick or have a headache. I want to vent on this blog and want you to vent as well. I have a Facebook group that I started with this blog. I want to give you a voice to others like us. Just know your not alone. It has been 3 months now that I haven't felt like the same old me. This is my relapse. It was 9 years ago that I first went way down the rabbit hole. I was a shut in on disability. For 5 years I couldn't leave my house for fear of getting sick. Every time I had a tickle in my throat I thought it was closing. Every little thing seemed so much worse then what it really was. I am feeling the same way now. Every little thing is making me think I need to rush to the hospital. I have racked up around $10,000 in bills from all of this. I can't go to work because I fear that I will have a melt down at work. I don't need people laughing at me or poking fun. The last thing I need is more stress in my life. Don't get me wrong I want to work. I want to make money but my fear is overpowering the will to do what I want. I always think I'm crazy or loosing my mind. My dad suffers from this as well. Right at this time I feel sick. I think I'm sick but don't know if its my mind or real. I don't know what to do. I could go back to the hospital and rack up more money or try to get through this. I hate this feeling. I don't have a fever. Just a dread feeling in the pit of my stomach. My throat always feels dry. Needless to say I am having a very bad day today. I only had about 4 hours of sleep last night. I need people to talk to. I'm having anxiety right now trying to write this blog. I fear no one will read it or like it. I just really hope I can reach out to some people. Thanks everyone. Here is the link to my Facebook group:
